David’s WOD*: Why Our Modern Ideals Of Love Are So Twisted

David’s WOD*: Why Our Modern Ideals Of Love Are So Twisted

Why so many divorces? Maybe you need to like yourself before you can dare love anyone else.

They say love is many splendid thing, and indeed it can be. An inebriating feeling of falling and spinning and losing yourself all while finding yourself. A true life changing ride for those who take it. But only a fool would ignore the stats right now. Something is wrong with modern love. Half the marriages in this world are ending in divorce. What is going on? Is love falling apart? Is the institution of marriage going extinct? No, our problem right now lies in how we look at ourselves. We spend so much energy and time on finding love in our society, we forget the crucial step of actually loving ourselves first.

How Can You Love Someone Else If You Don’t Love Yourself?

Think about it. A relationship and the concept of love is that we SHARE of ourselves in every way. A relationship leaves you naked in the soul and vulnerable. You strip yourself bare for each other in the sense that you reveal all. So how can you reveal all and truly let go and give in to love if you have not taken the time to even like yourself? We all rush into love and marriage so fast and often, so young, we never give ourselves time to truly know who WE are. We learn to only define ourselves in terms of THAT person. That is not the basis of healthy love. Love is not parasitic. It is symbiotic.

So How Do You “Love” Yourself?

Put the lotion down. That is not the kind of love I am talking about. As scary as this is for most people to grasp, it means spending time (GASP) alone. Yes. This can mean years. We are bred and conditioned by society and TV and our job to feel like we are always failing and falling behind. Taking time with ones self brings one to the realization that actualization is not found in the external. You are NOT failing at life and falling behind, but you need to be with YOU to know that. If your life and the pace of your life leaves you exhausted and insecure, not knowing this will take a huge toll on future love. Learn and love thyself, and loving others will come more naturally.

Insecurity Breeds Contempt

This is the biggest aspect of failing relationships right now. Some stats want to tell you money, some stats want to tell you infidelity. But guess what BOTH of those problems circle around to? Yup, say it with me: Insecurity.

When you are insecure within yourself, there is NO way you can be confident with someone else loving you. The problem is, this is all subconscious within yourself. You don’t know you feel this way until you get into the relationship and this aspect of yourself finally gets to read its ugly head. But if you had spent a year or two by yourself (by the way, this doesn’t literally mean by yourself, it just means not dating) you would be more aware of this aspect going in, and how to work with or work around it.

Know Your Flaws

None of us are perfect. Hell, let’s be real here. None of us are EVEN close. But knowing that about yourself will make it easier to accept that in other people. We put people up on pedestals, one thing happens. Do you know what that is? They eventually fall, and that is not so much their fault, but ours. We want to love something perfect, yet cannot accept that does not exist.

Embrace Flaws and Love BEYOND Them

We cannot hold those we love or want to love to unhealthy standards, and we do that only when we do it to ourselves. Love is important, but you truly cannot love until you love yourself. And you truly cannot love yourself until you spend some actual time with yourself. Why does that scare so many people? Once you learn you to see your own flaws, you will learn to move beyond them.

Once you move beyond the flaws in yourself, you can move beyond them in others. That means it is ready for you to take the leap. Now, my friends, you are ready to love (and for that love to work).

* “Word-out Of The Day” by Pazoo Founder & CEO David Cunic